Hello its me...really its me.

In the true spirit of Halloween I have resurrected this blog from the grave- hallelujah you may think (hopefully).

I was hoping by moving to London last year my fashion blog would be crammed with stylish posts with those Chelsea-esque backgrounds. Well, sometimes life does not go to plan.

This past year has been probably the toughest year of my life so far. Dealing with moving out, living with demon like house mates, breaking up with a boyfriend of 2 years...with that boyfriend moving on in a month (tragic, ikr!), my sister moving to the other side of the pond to get married to her Yankee hubby, my furry fluff ball best friend of 12 years passing away, working 2 jobs and having uni assignment after uni assignment- and that is not even half of it. Did I have time to breathe? Metaphorically- no. I was swamped. In the literal sense -no either. Asthma + London pollution isn't a great pairing.

The pressures of social,work and uni life became suffocating and I felt like I was losing myself. Which frightened me. My life was being consumed by pressures that I could not control or felt like I couldn't control. My vice was to block this out by doing whatever I could. Whether that was indulging in a £1.29 Lidl carrot cake (bargain m8), indulging in a bottle of £2.49 Lidl rosé (also a bargain might I say) or just going on Tinder dates to fill the void- this really didn't help.

Neither of these things helped, looking back they probably hindered. I burnt myself out. I overworked myself until I became ill both psychically and mentally- some 'girl boss' flex that is *eye roll*. I did too much and instead of making me more productive it made me bed bound. It made me into a shell of who I am. I do love a snail and a tortoise but I ain't no shelled animal, sincerest of apologies.

Talking about my blog specifically,Instagram culture has put a lot of pressure on me and I am sure a lot of pressure on everyone to do well or look like you are doing well in some cases.

This is why my Insta posting has been inconsistent.

I am in two minds about the ole' photo sharing app. I think due to influencer culture instead of being a photo sharing app, its more of an ego 'my horse is bigger than your horse' app. Adding that onto my amounting pressures of life it made me feel disconnected to what I was posting and making me not want to post.

Now my health is on the mend (mentally more than physically) as I am still awaiting scans/blood tests to see why my body hates me. I feel more motivated than ever to be posting pictures and writing blog posts on here about my love for fashion.

This is just a short vague summary of my life in the last year because JHEEZE its been A YEAR. But I thought I'd start off by scratching the surface instead of writing a full on post about the crazy-ass life I have been living- trust me I have tried to write that before.

So to round off.

I have felt a massive void in my life for a while now. It's such a psychical feeling as well as mental- for real I can feel it in my chest. That void has yet to be filled. I am yet to know if that void will ever be truly filled but I am getting there and feeling more secure in my life than I was a few months ago. I guess that is the way forward- progress.

You know when you're playing a game, you fuck up and die and it takes you back to the check point. Well in real life you might die inside a little and have to take a few `steps backwards but that does not mean your end goal is unachievable- it just makes you more determined to get there. Socrates and Aristotle be afraid kind sirs, for I am the modern day philosophical genius.

Just imagine yourself as Crash Bandicoot, complete that level no matter how long it takes. You got this.

For later,

looks.

But for now,

love -

layla x